WHAT DEPRESSION FEEL LIKE

It is quite normal but most unfortunate that without personal experience of depression it can be troublesome to understand. Some people even consider it a bit self-indulgent or a lifestyle choice- of course, it is anything but. 

So I thought I would try and describe, to the best of my abilities, what depression feels like. Depression is ultimately ineffable: there is no language or diction that can accurately pin down this most terrible of mental states, but nonetheless I will have a go. 

When severe depression hits it is like a viral infection that takes over your whole body. It becomes debilitating because your limbs become dead weights and your mind is overcast with oppressive thoughts. It really does take over your entire being and reduces you to the feeling of abject worthlessness, sucking out all meaning from your life and feeding on it. Having depression gives the impression that there is something dark and arcane lurking within you, revolving around the perimeters of your brain, just out of reach of your conscious mind so that you cannot control it. 

Sometimes, when the pain is so intense that it becomes unbearable, it feels as though your mind is being tortured. When I hit my low points I found that I could not even bear my thoughts no matter what they were- not because of their harsh and hopeless nature, but because they signalled my existence at a time where I did not want to be alive. Sadly, just breathing gave me a sense of anguish. 

These feelings that depression induce are so harrowing and excruciating- and the depressive part of your brain wants you to believe that change is not possible, that it will be like this forever. However, it is good to know that moods are a bit like the weather, and nothing can linger for too long without some form of change. And even if it is just an iota of difference, it can be enough to keep you going.  

Where there is life, there is hope! Depression is a canny beast, but it can be beaten.