HOW LONELY ARE YOU?

'It is not the strongest of the species that survives, or the most intelligent, but rather the one most adaptable to change.' Charles Darwin

I have left the confines of Winchester to come and pay a visit to my grandparents in Baldock, to 'rehabulate' (rehabilitate) me, as my grandad put it. We detoured via the scenic roads, which in retrospect was not a good idea, as the bucolic views were not worth the 4 hour car journey! 

Leaving Winchester was difficult, especially since I have not done so for several months. Even my walks around the city rarely deviate from my well-established routes. This inevitably means that I am quite alone a lot of the time. I was reading an article the other day on loneliness and its effects on mental health and it got me thinking..

Although my solitude is self-imposed and punishing, I find social interaction very difficult. I am not sure how much this time spent in my own company I really truly enjoy, and how much can be attributed to the convenience of retreating into old routines and the sense of comfort this brings. In my mind this keeps me safe. I often find that I am ready, but not willing, to step out of my comfort zone and try something new.

So why not simply take the plunge and go out more? After all, if you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got. In other words, change is essential. I believe human interaction must contribute to our mental wellbeing, as too much time spent on one's own can easily lead to over-thinking and analysing past events- a clear recipe for anguish and self-reprobation! That doesn't mean we need hoards of friends. There is no such thing as objective isolation. It is quite possible to have just a few close friends and to not feel isolated or lonely. 

I think the problem lies somewhere within the labyrinthine entanglement of my innate introversion and mental health difficulties. I will never be the gregarious type or the life of a party, but once you cut yourself off from people it is astonishing how quickly you can adapt in order to cope and loose touch with 'regular' social states and perceptions. Making conversation becomes arduous, and even messaging friends can feel challenging. This is a self-enforcing negative cycle, which played its part in the depression that drew my university life to a halt.

I consider this trip to my grandparents as a first step. Hopefully I can reconnect with some of that sociability I have lost over the months and years. I apologise to those I have let down due to my propensity to disengage with the world. I can only hope to make amends and aim to re-establish some of the social ties I have let slip. 

Take the UCLA loneliness test: http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/loneliness.htm
I scored 37.